Sorry about my last post. It wasn't written with the intentions of causing anyone to worry. I was overwhelmed and angry. For a few months, at times it seemed as though there was a monster inside of me that kept oozing out. I was taking it out on my sweet family. I was also (and still am a little) having nightmares of just raw chaos and crowds. There were dreams about being put back into the boarding school I was put into as a teenager, but being forced back as an adult and seperated from my children and Jeff and unable to convince anyone they couldn't hold me there as I was way over legal age. Anyway, I talked to my dr. and he prescribed a new medicine that is actually helping me alot. The need to paint again is always a sign that I am feeling like my normal, well I guess for me, self. My head is swimming even now about new pieces I would like to work on and new mediums I want to play in. I may even have a touch of spring fever. I seem to want to clean and sort and organize everything around me and that never happens...ever. All I know is that this seems to be really working for me but I'm a bit afraid of feeling this normal and goal oriented as it is always so much more difficult to fall again after a stretch of feeling so great. Also, no medication is a wonder pill. I realize that of course. I think I just needed help to get out of the hole I was in. I just couldn't this time, nor could anyone else. ( By 'anyone else' I mean Jeff as he is the only person that offered a hand up)
Thank you guys so much for your well wishes. I wish I would have read them before today. I drop in and out of here so infrequently lately that I ponder the status of some of my online relationships, but here are all of my ladies (minus just a couple) again giving me love and encouragement because of one sentence I wrote while I was hurting and angry. How awesome is that? Thanks for loving me in my abscence. I don't deserve it but am grateful nonetheless.
Oh, and one more thing, Jeff and I just got back from another court thing in Virginia. This time we didn't let his ex wife determine our attitude and we sort of got adventurous about our trip a few hours into the ride home after leaving court. We left late Sunday night and drove through Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, and finally Virginia. We got there late afternoon Monday and did the family court thing Tuesday morning and then decided we would go to Georgia and see some of his family. We, well actually I, drove through the Smoky Mountains, which I had never seen. We drove from Virginia to Tennessee and through a little bit of North Carolina, then finally into Georgia. It was a very neat drive and I wish we would have had more time to stop at some of the little shops coming out of N.C. and into Georgia. There were shops selling gems and minerals of all colors and textures. There were chain saw art statues for sale and on display, which would have been fun to look at. We stayed with his family that night and it was fun to meet them and drink a few beers and chat. His oldest stepsister is a lit. professer, who was twelve when Jeff's stepmom lost a full term baby. She now has an interst in special needs kids and has written a few books about their educational needs, She talked with me a lot about the death of a child from a sibling's perspective. I liked them alot and I'm glad we took that side trip to meet them.
So yeah, Jeff and I drove through seven states in less than four days and smiled and laughed and bought matching aviator gas station sun glasses and sang to the radio and took goofy pictures.( Penny, we stopped at a Love's gas station near or in Vidalia and Jeff and I waved at your exit and said, "Hey Penny!!", and we started talking about some of the things you had mentioned and how we hoped that his son would know one day that Jeff loved him enough to have spent the money and made the trips to fight for his right for a childhood and a great relationship with his dad.)
Now we are back and Aidyn is in his new play octogon which is huge and he loves because he can go all around the living room which I love because my art supplies and breakables are no longer in danger. Jeff loves it because it looks like Aidyn is in a U.F.C. octagon. Ivy woun't be home until Monday. I miss her little butt, but she's having fun playing in the country with her dad's girlfriend's kids.
I'm about to go buy more plastic drawer towers to organize my art stuff that has again overflowed the last plastic drawers I bought and are spilling out all over the house. Gotta scratch that Sping Fever itch....
Mar 17, 2011
Posted by Lindsay at 12:36 PM