We're back!

We are home, yes WE! Kenny was told on Friday that they were done with most everything, and our hotel was paid up until Sunday afternoon, so we took advantage and enjoyed the city.
I got to spend some quality time with Kenny and one of my best friends. We ate quite a few meals together. One night she cooked red beans and rice, and we ate often at a small French cafe.(If you're in Baton Rouge, go to Le Madeleine..yumm)
I slept in every day and got dressed at my leisure.
Kenny must have really missed us because he was in the mood to spoil. He picked out a very old fashioned wooden music box for Ivy and had it beautifully gift wrapped for her at a boutique. We also bought her a pearl and pink crystal bracelet with a tiny silver cross on it, for her to put inside.
I got expensive truffles and a necklace that is exactly my style in bold silver and wood. I haven't taken it off yet.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love that man? I should, much more often.



So yeah, WE're home and getting settled back in. I've been reading up on all of your posts from when I was gone. Looks like lots has been happening with you guys. I look forward to being all caught up on every one's comings and goings. xo

My bags are packed, I'm almost ready to go...

This post was supposed to be long and insightful. Four loads of laundry, a load of dishes, taking Otis (the big red dog) to be kennelled for the next five days and getting Ivy to sleep and packing have taken it's toll on my 'brilliant' idea.
The only idea I have now is to try to keep my eyes open until I actually lay down, shortly.
I'm leaving again for Baton Rouge in the morning. I'm going to drive there, go eat on set with Kenny and then go back to his hotel room and sleep, maybe sleep some more.
Kenny says he feels this movie will be wrapping up sooner than expected. As far as I'm concerned they can't finish fast enough.
I've been hard at work on my home. I'm tired and I really need this break. I decided not to take my computer as I need a break from it ALL.
Here's to no cooking, cleaning or feeding. It will feel so good to only have to worry about taking care of me. You guys have a great weekend.
Sorry for the boring post. It's time for my head and my pillow to meet each other for the day. I'm exhausted.

Margaret, Lea and Holly, you guys are in my thoughts this week.

Today I may:

Get out of this white tank top that is not so white now that I've worn it for the last three days and take a damn bath.

Make my bed and do the dishes.

Cook something besides rice crispy treats, as I've devoured half of a pan already today.

Refuse to wear shoes all day and skip make-up. Except maybe some mascara, call me vain, but did you see up there where I've been in the same shirt for three days?

Try not to feel guilty over every little thing.

Play music very loudly for the next few hours.

See if my attitude will adjust itself if I quit focusing on it constantly and giving it little nudges and telling it to perk up.

14 weeks

How baby's growing:
This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells.
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I've lost weight. I wake up and clean and then I lay around and watch Netflix until Ivy gets home from school. She's actually going to eat with the principal of her school as a reward for making straight A's on her report card the first nine weeks of school.
I really miss Kenny. He was sick earlier this week and it was sad to hear him so miserable over the phone. I've decided to go see him next week. I'm going to kennel one of the dogs and stay for almost a week. In his hotel in Baton Rouge there are no responsibilities. It's easier to make myself lay down when I don't have ten things demanding my immediate attention. Plus, every meal is at a cafe or restaurant, so I don't have to cook either.
In other boring news, my new hardwood floor is buckling, and so a repairman will be here tomorrow. I'm also getting a smaller dining room table, as mine is massive and eats the whole room. I'm getting to a place where I want my surroundings serene and orderly. I'd like to start cooking a lot again and trying new recipes for the holidays. It's easier to stay in a peaceful state of mind when my environment makes me want to breathe. Not sure how much sense that made. I make all these plans, and I'm never sure how I will feel when the time comes.
Thanks for all of your comments. I'm sure that it's hard for some of you to read about my pregnancy. I'm sorry that I seem so whiny about it. I wasn't expecting to do this part alone.

I'm no where near convinced that I will be bringing home a healthy breathing baby in about six months.

Everyday I think, "Baby, please be strong. Please don't die."

All Alone

I'm sorry I haven't been writing. I was visited by a migraine and a sense of intense loneliness this weekend. Last night while taking Ivy trick or treating, surrounded by little pea-pods and super-girls and black cats, I suddenly felt all alone.
I am so lonely. I find myself yearning to have Kenny here to experience this with me. I'm beginning to feel the tiniest of flutters and I know they will turn into kicks and jabs before Kenny comes home.
I wish he wouldn't have missed the ultrasound. I wish he would have gotten to meet the Dr. that (hopefully) will be bringing this baby out of my womb and into this world. Sadly, that can't be my job this go around.
I wish he were here to eat my cooking and bring me a glass of water every now and again. I wish he were here to rub my achy back.
This is going to sound selfish, but I feel abandoned.
When Ivy goes off to school in the mornings, I find myself staring at the walls and staying lost in thought for hours. This is a far cry from my usual crafting, creating, active and imaginative self.
I've always cherished time to myself, but at this point, I'm sick of me. It's just me and my thoughts and my crazy dreams and my warm bed.
I'm not forgetting that Ivy is here with me; I'm only referring to the increasing number of hours I spend with just myself and my dogs.
I feel selfish for wanting more than this.
I am just feeling so utterly and helplessly lonely.