Feb 17, 2010

Captcha coming back..

So a while back I got rid of that pesky feature, but now that I'm getting comments in Japanese and comments regarding men's umm.. performance medication etc. I think I will putting back the captcha. I know it sucks, but so is being thrilled to have a new comment only to have a comment telling you what vacation spots are the best bargain instead..

Feb 16, 2010


My neighbors are insane. The same family owns the house next door and the house across from me. They hate my guts and truly, I promise, I did not earn this hatred. I am trying VERY hard not to let them earn mine.
Just to give you a bit of back story.
They once pulled a scab off of their youngest boy's knee,(he has now been removed by child welfare) and called the pound claiming my dog (Lucy, who only goes outside in the fenced in back yard) bit him. They wanted her taken in for observation, which had the pound agreed to do, would have cost me ten days without my dog and $400.
They've called the police on Ivy for crossing their driveway instead of walking in the street.
They used to rent another home on my street, and it was always packed with teenagers and cars and loud music. We only complained, to them, when the cars leaving their house would speed through the cul-de-sac, and I was afraid for Ivy's safety. This home caught on fire in the middle of the night a while back, and Kenny and I sat on the porch afraid that they were going to accuse us of burning it down. The house is still there, eight months later and is a hazard. There are animals living in it and children that try to play in it. They were told that they had to clear the property, but no one is making them.
We put up a small fence to remind Ivy not to go onto their side of it, and they had someone mark their property lines and called the police again when they discovered that the fence was three inches inside the property line. Police told us to move it, we moved it.
The electric company has been called to my house numerous times. Once to put up two huge lights on their property, but shining directly onto my front and back yard. They told the company that they were afraid for their safety and wanted the light installed. They came once to look at our electric service pole as they had a claim that there was a dangerous amount of slack in it. There isn't. When I asked about removing the lights, that only shine into my yards, I was told that they had payed for them, and I would have to take them to court to have them taken down. I live in the country, on purpose, and I can no longer see the stars.
I've had the police called on me for trespassing while I hadn't left my yard. Kenny and Ivy have both have had the police called on them. The police department told them the last time they came to stop calling unless it was an emergency or a law had been broken.
As there is no heavy traffic, no contact with the neighbors whatsoever, and no laws being broken on my property, I was sure they would give up.
I had a dream Wednesday that the Health Department was dispatched to my home. In my dream they inspected my house and told me my neighbors were tired of my filth. I woke up and I remember thinking that I was being ridiculous. My home is very clean. I have an exterminator, so my home is bug and rodent free. I chastised myself for letting my mind run crazy like that.
So yesterday I was sitting with a friend drinking coffee and I got up to go to the bathroom. I noticed my neighbors face in my window and also saw two people with name tags on their clothes inspecting the side of my house. I started shaking. I knew it wasn't good. Ivy has had enough of this and is now scared of the police. I knew it was going to be another big ordeal. I sent my friend to speak to them until I could catch my breath and calm down.
She came back into my bedroom and said, "Remember that dream you told me about? Well, two people from the Health Department want to speak to you."
They informed me that they had been dispatched on a complaint that I was leaking RAW SEWAGE into the neighbors property. Upon examination of the leak, they found that there was in fact a leak, a very small one. They said it made a tiny drop every thirty seconds. They said it was GROUND WATER, aka clean water coming from an elbow joint in my plumbing. I explained my crazy neighbor situation and asked if they knew of anyone I could go to and have this harassment stopped. I have already spoken to the police and was told that I couldn't do anything. They shook their heads and apologized for this mess. Then they informed me that the leak wasn't considered a hazard, but I did need to call them once the leak was fixed. Apparently when they get a claim, they have to come and insure it's been fixed.
I was so angry. This is the fifth time my friend has been here when I've had to talk to some official someone instead of visiting with her. Ivy thinks the police are people that come when your neighbors are angry. I have always tried to teach her that the police are here to help us, and that if she's ever in trouble or lost, she should go to a police person if she can find one. She told me recently, that if she were ever lost, she would find someone she knew instead of the police, cause the police are scary. Great.
Now, keep in mind, I do not speak to these people. I even go so far as to avoid eye contact. We avoid their properties like the plague. I've started to get anxiety attacks when a car pulls into the neighborhood that I don't recognize. I'm afraid I will lose my dogs. That they will get taken to the pound for no reason, and I won't have the money to retrieve them. I am afraid that child protection will be the next to arrive, as I can't imagine that they have anyone else to try to contact now that the police have warned them to stop making frivolous calls.
I am afraid of being here once the baby is born, stitches to my belly button and sore with Ivy and a new baby to care for and some sort of official knocking at my door. I feel bullied. I am angry. I have been letting this mess go, and refusing to get upset. I've had talks with Ivy about the nature of those people and what we can learn from them as far as how not to treat people. Those lessons are going unlearned as we ignore them and they don't stop.
I am an intelligent person. I don't tend to be argumentative or confrontational. I take care of my home and my child. All they've ever had to do was knock on my door and tell ME what was bothering them. I would have made an effort to fix it. I can only guess that all of this is not really about me, as I truly have done nothing to earn all of this. The police have never filed an actual report against me. The pound knew they were lying and my dog didn't get taken. The electric company suggested a civil suit which I can't afford. all of these official people know I have done nothing wrong, but the harassment continues.
I deal with their lights illuminating the inside of my home at night. I live with the constant threat of police knocking on my door and scaring my daughter. I don't invite many people over because it would be quite embarrassing when the police or God knows who else come knocking. Like I said, yesterday was the fifth time my friend had come over and I've had to spend at least an hour talking to someone who was spitefully sent here.
When the police came over the fence issue, the police man asked my neighbor, why she couldn't just knock on my door and ask me to move the fence and why did she hate me so. She replied, "Because she (pointing at me) needs to learn to keep her bodily fluids off of my husband!" I wanted to melt into my driveway. She isn't married and doesn't even have a boyfriend. I feel stupid even typing that, but it's an example of the ignorance surrounding all of this craziness.
How do you deal with unjustified hatred directed at your family? I've been dealing with this gracefully since Zoe died, but I don't know how much longer I can do that.
Don't I have the same right to raise a family and own a home and have peace in that home as everyone else?
Why won't the police in my city protect me and my child and my guests from this insane harassment?
I have nice neighbors. We take each other dinner and our kids play together. After the incident yesterday, they called me over to talk. This lady was pregnant right after I lost Zoe. Apparently, she had been called to the evil neighbors house back then and told that while she was at work, I was sneaking over to her house and messing with her husband (who is twenty years older than me). She didn't believe them and never told me about it as she knew I was dealing with enough already. The nice neighbor and her husband told me yesterday how sorry they were that I was being bullied this way. They said enough was enough and they would be witnesses to this insanity if I could find anyone to listen. They've heard their fair share of lies about me and are tired of the police etc. being on our street every week. They've called some sort of comission about the half burnt house, but nothing has been done.
I don't know what to do. I own this home and it isn't payed for. I would have to rent it out if I wanted to move elsewhere, and I doubt that any tenant would stay any length of time because of these people. I feel cornered. I have done nothing but try. I can't stop thinking about this, but I don't know what I can do to fix it.
I'm stuck in a battle I didn't start and I won't fight fire with fire, as tempting as that may be.
Any suggestions or ideas? Anyone?!?!

Feb 11, 2010

Gotta hurry..

I am SO tired and I have another full day today. I saw the MFM yesterday. I tested positive for two of the seven clotting disorders they tested for. My little boy is 2lbs,8 oz and I saw him in 4-d. He has Kenny's nose but otherwise looks just like Ivy. He had his foot on his forehead, on the bridge of his nose. He stuck his tongue out at us and we got a picture of that. This doctor was very sympathetic when I explained my fear of the cesarean. I told him in detail what happened when Zoe was born and I explained how terrified I am to be cut while aware. He offered to deliver the baby, in my town under general anesthesia even though he rarely delivers babies anymore. We're actually going to try to do the cesarean while awake with a promise for anti-anxiety meds to be on standby and injected as soon as the baby is out. This way, I'll get to see the baby, and know he's ok, but be relaxed enough to let them complete a tubal litigation and sew me up. If the anxiety meds aren't strong enough, he'll sedate me, but it won't be a general anesthetic. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel like there are a few people who don't want me to go through any unnecessary trauma, and these people have offered to have my care transferred to them.
Today I go to the old fart doctor the the glucose test and then back to the MFM to see if they are going to transfer my care to them (for sure) and to learn to inject myself with the Levenox I will be taking now daily. Fun.
I'm planning a big nap this afternoon and Ivy's dad has offered to keep her tonight so that I can sleep in tomorrow, but now I have to get myself ready to drive to another city and drink the sugar water before driving back to my own city to the MFM all the while praying and hoping that he actually decides to deliver this baby. If so I will sign the transfer papers today.
So, yeah, I feel better, I'm just tired and I can't quite relax with these things still up in the air.
I better get going. Oh, and it's snowing outside. Living in Louisiana, you don't get snow very often. Usually you don't even see it once in a few years. This is the second time this year!

Feb 7, 2010

Someone better listen..

If I can't get a medical professional to understand how TERRIFIED I am of this cesarean, and offer me some course of action other than, 'just lay there, it won't take long, you won't feel it..etc' I will keep this baby inside FOREVER!

Feb 2, 2010

Lindsay and Ivy's Sunday

This is the post that would have been published yesterday, but, well, yesterday really sucked.
I had been promising Ivy we would make terrariums and Sunday seemed like a great day to have some one on one time with her before she went to school for the week.
We collected some jars and some charcoal and some crushed shell..

We went to my neighbors house (not the mean ones) that borders some woods and started looking for moss..

I snapped some pretty pictures of the moss growing on the roots of a pine tree..

Ivy decided to be really silly for a picture..

Then for some strange reason she started to shake a small tree back and forth. It was cute and she was having fun being silly with her mom...

We looked and looked and found some pretty peices of lush green 'carpet'..

We washed the extra dirt off in a puddle of cold water...

Look Ivy!

Then we sat down and started to put them together.

Ivy was doing a very good job and really focusing..lol

We're finished!

aren't they beautiful!

We really had a good time. They are sitting on our kitchen table now as it is too cold I think to put them in the windows. All the greenery has survived so far and I hope they continue to grow. I read online to put activated charcoal in them to prevent a rotten smell, so we'll see. I haven't seen any little critters in them so far and I didn't add any pesticide as that kind of went against the whole 'natural' thing.
Soon, we plan to make some little decorations out of clay and stick them inside. Mushrooms or little acorn houses perhaps?
We'll see what we come up with and I'll be sure to post pictures of our whimsical little terrariums once we finish.
Oh, and one more thing.. I LOVE this girl! She's given me some of the best years of my life and I'm sure there will be more to come. She gave me something to live for, to heal for, when I lost Zoe and she gives me hope everyday. I look at her and know that I can and have brought a healthy baby safely from my womb to this earth.
I was so young when I had her, but I always worked hard to nuture her and give her a happy childhood. This girl reminds me that I have done a good job. My sacrifices have been trivial compared to the lovely little girl that I have the pleasure of raising into a beautiful woman.
I love my Ivy!

Feb 1, 2010

Here it is..

Kenny and I are not together anymore. I hope I have the strength to do what it takes to get this baby here safe and sound. I didn't have that strength before, with Zoe, obviously. I failed to mention before that the specialist I saw told me he could see no other reason for her death but me.
I hope I don't kill this one too, for how would I ever survive the guilt. Like my dad said yesterday, "Be careful, cause if something happens to this baby, you will hate yourself."
And he's right.