I listen to music no one else here wants to hear. It's a sanctuary in a sad way; a buffer, so to speak. Reading is the only sure fire way to drown out thoughts, emotions pushing to the surface but it's only a diversion. The art, a controlled echo of feelings past. The music sweeps up the thoughts, gives them form and a melody and I don't have to work for it. When the kids are at dads I've been painting, alot, alone in my room.
I hate feeling like I must censor myself here but if you look at my comments, irl people want their say here and this is my place, and I don't want to argue. There are also people who come here only to steal a glance into my life (when I've managed to write here at all) and satisfy themselves that I'm fine and never call or leave a comment. This blog isn't an accurate way to judge my well being. It's like the weather here unfortunately, it can change any minute.
I've been meaning to do Angie's Where I Am Now project, I just feel so exposed here. I don't want to go private, so I just have to get over it. I'll give it a shot next week maybe.
I've felt very lonely lately (expect this when you've been isolating yourself) . I don't know what to say here, or in any other area of my life. I've never felt quite this apathetic without at least knowing why. Rufus Wainwright and Jeff Buckley are saying it all for me this morning, but I have to leave my room and outside of here, no one likes my music....
Jun 29, 2011
In my room....
Posted by Lindsay at 8:11 AM
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5 comments:
Always missing you when you aren't blogging Miss Lala :) and I'm probably one of those guilty for not commenting often :/ but I do totally get where you're coming from with this post! I have some issues around the same thing!
Hugs x
I always get happy when I see you've posted (on my blog list). This is the only way I know you're still around. :) Haven't been to S'port since the post where you mentioned my exit on your way to Jeff's son's. I still plan on trying to meet you irl when I come to my daughter's one weekend~ if you want. I was going to come up for this weekend, but she shot that idea down. :( How are Aidyn's hands now? And what kind of music do you enjoy that noone else likes? Just curious. :)
Aidyn is much better. His hands are that shiny pink of someone who's been burned. I would love to meet you if you come here. Maybe we could go eat somewhere?
As far as the music, I listen to alot of Elton John, Jeff Buckley, Tori Amos, Hooverphonic, just soothing, meaningful music. Jeff likes rap and r&b.
I am glad to hear from you too. I just got back from Virginia again and again we waved at Penny :) xoxo (This time his son is home with us)
So glad to hear that Jeff gets to visit his son. :) Poor Aidyn! When my baby brother was one or two, he picked up a hot curling iron by the barrel. His palms looked like they'd be scarred forever, but over time (lots of time) they were fine. Babies heal quickly, so maybe soon you won't even be able to tell Aidyn was ever burned. I hope so. If we head to S'port soon, I'll let you know. :) Right now, my sister and I are waiting on pins and needles for her first granddaughter to show up. Due date is the 10th, but doctor thought she'd be here by the 4th. So far, she has stood us up. lol
Would like to read your Where I Am Now post if and when you feel ready to write it.
It's horrible when no one likes your music.
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