Damnit

I realized it the other day. I don't think anyone else knows or that I even knew until the last week or so. I am still grieving. I still miss my little girl. I still look at a boy and imagine him being dragged around and loved on and chased by, two sisters. It hurts me that my current boyfriend didn't know me before. I was so much more confident, and needed no reassurance. The very things he resents me for, my weakness.
Or maybe he doesn't but then there's another reminder, I don't trust people. Since Zoe died, I don't trust people to stick around because in my experience they don't. I don't expect him to stick around forever. I don't trust anyone to do that. How do you have a relationship, if you don't learn to trust someone to stay?
I really want to participate in the Where I am Now Project of Angie's. Today though, this is where I am. Remembering that I'm still grieving and I don't trust anyone and it's hurting my relationships....

Mean

I will try and never speak another harsh word, in the sincere hope that no other  hateful outbursts find their way to my ears. Sticks and stones leave scars you can see but words strike the soul if you let them,