Jan 31, 2009

This week in La La Land...and a Question...

Wow, this week has flown by! I got some house work and some cooking done today. Now I'm taking a few minutes to blog, before dinner.
I wanted to tell you a little about Serious Life Magazine. It is a publication for Christian families, and my blog is featured in their directory. To learn more about this magazine and how to receive it yourself, go to: http://www.seriouslifemagazine.com/. It is published by the awesome father of a great family. I have been praying for their little daughter Abby who sadly has leukemia. So check that out for sure.
As far as family news, a few furry little creatures have lost their lives around here this week. We apparently have a less than tame cat running around. I know, that's what they do, right? Sadly though, two of the furry creatures were my daughter's mice, Love Bug and Mrs.Brisby. Their deaths led to ANOTHER conversation with my L.O. about death, and why God only saves some things/people and not others. (You get the drift, as I know alot of us have these SAME thoughts)
She always want to talk about what's troubling her at night, after we pray. She tells me who may have hurt her feelings that day. She hints of issues she's struggling with or anything she's wondered about God. She asks me if she'll have to grow up alone, or if God will give her another sister. I'm glad she talks to me about these things. I hope she always does.
While I'm on the subject, I need a little advice. I have thought about buying L.O. a tiny silver necklace. I want to hang it on Zoe's rose tree, with a letter from Zoe, and let L.O. find it. I don't think this is any worse/better than the tooth fairy or Santa Clause(thinking about not doing that this year, possibly). I mentioned this to my room mate (she's not a Christian) and she replied, "No, No you can't do that! We don't get presents from dead people! I think that is a terrible idea and not good for her. Tell her it's from you to remember Zoe, DO NOT let her think her sister left it for her!" I don't see the harm in leaving trinkets around on special occasions. L.O. is missing out on Zoe's life too. Is this not a sweet way to help her feel connected to a sister she didn't get to grow up with? If you have an opinion, good or bad (but not mean, please) PLEASE leave me a comment. When I first had the idea, it seemed sweet, but now I wonder if it could somehow be detrimental? Tell me what you think.
On a different note, I received a hope chest, from my boyfriend for Christmas. (he's a prop maker for Hollywood movies, and he made and inlaid it by hand!) I had been storing a lot of Zoe's things at my mother's until I received my hope chest, but I went and got most of it Friday. I plan on taking photos of the chest and it's contents this week. I'm trying to finish writing about Zoe's nearly three weeks on earth, but feel stuck. I believe sharing my memories with you here, will spark my memory of the many details. I did not have a lot of support until late last year. I felt very alone in my grief and had no idea that so many women worldwide had lost their precious little ones. Now, I see how other children have been memorialized, and I owe it to my daughter to make sure she isn't forgotten.

To the baby lost mommas that follow/visit my blog, and a lot of the blogs I follow, I want you to know that EVERY day I light candles and say prayers for different babies and their mommies. I know how much comfort we need, and how alone we can feel. In praying for you, God soothes my soul as well. So, thank you for allowing me part, in your own personal journeys.
Much Love

Jan 26, 2009

'Not Me!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Ok, it's Monday, and I've never done this before, but I've been reading MckMama's 'Not Me Mondays', and they are hilarious. Here goes...

I did not sit down to write this and realize that my life is not near as interesting on weekly basis as MckMama's. :) (So mine may be a bit less light hearted than her's so bear with me =)

I DID NOT let some mean comments and assumptions hurt my feelings, and I certainly DID NOT have a hard time giving those people and my feelings over to God.

While making home made bread last night, I did not forget to add enough flour, so it did not stick to both my hands and all my fingers, so I did not have to call my dear boyfriend in the room to help me. We absolutely did not make a huge floury mess all over the kitchen, and we did not have a great time laughing at each other and playing. (The bread did not turn out soft and delicious=0)

And lastly, I DID not recieve a comment from Carly's best friend Mel, and it was not a sweet sincere message and I did not get oh so excited that I'm starting to get readers from around the WORLD!!! =)

Happy Monday!!

Jan 25, 2009

At least..

Something has been messing with my heart lately. I've come across this, in reading blogs and in conversations with people. Why are we constantly comparing ourselves to other people, proclaiming,"at least we don't (use your imagination) like so and so."? Why do we feel that as long as we are not as bad as we perceive someone else to be, we are more righteous?
To me, this is only another way to judge. Everyone that is saved, is only made pure by the grace of God, not our own actions. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and lepers. He understood what we go through and that we sin, and all He wants is for us to come to Him and be made clean; to lean on Him and trust His will. Why can't we be the ones, willing to not judge others, only help and be willing to forgive. I know I need forgiveness, and I know that we are called to forgive others as well.

Truthfully, I'm hurting today. People have said mean things. I've been blamed for my daughter's death (via e-mail), by people who never cared about me or her. It shouldn't hurt me, it's only Satan, trying to take my peace of mind. Then it makes me angry. Angry at them for their actions, and angry at myself, for letting it hurt. Adversity is hard to handle. I should thank God for it. It helps me to remain close to Him.
When you think about it, Jesus was very misunderstood. All kinds of people mocked and accused Him. He simply replied,"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."

I can forgive, it's the 'letting go' that gets me...

Jan 21, 2009

I made and posted a slideshow in Zoe's honor. Please look at it, it's at the bottom of the page. Please leave me a comment if you decide to look. I also gave my page a BRAND NEW LOOK! I did it by myself, and am quite pleased!

Playing catch up...

I know, it's been awhile. I've been finding different blogs to follow, and taking care of my little household. I picked up L.O. from school today, and guess what? She had a happy note sent home. We've had a few sad notes,but it looks like she's doing much better. She did her homework in the car (most of it was read-aloud) and has freed up a few minutes for me to work on my blog(YAY!)
Mainly, I wanted to tell you guys about my boyfriend. We've known each other for years (our parents went to highschool together)and he has always been a kind sweet guy. He loves L.O. and my Zoe. He doesn't even care when I show him videos and pictures of other babies from other babylost moms. He tells me how sorry he his, that I lost my little girl. Basically, he's very understanding of this journey that I'm on, and helps me any way that he can. I foolishly broke up with him before Christmas, but we were reconciled before the new year. Don't tell anyone (shh!) but Ibelievethat an engagement is not far away (maybe Valentines?). I really have felt God telling me, that this is who He had chosen all along, but I went astray(we dated when I was 16/17). I KNOW that I could be faithful, and allow him to be the spiritual leader of my household. I can surrender my need to always control things. He is a Godly man and a hardworker, and honestly, when I think of my life ahead, I just know he'll be in it. If I ever decide to have another child, it would be with this man. I'm still praying, and searching my heart. I'll keep you posted. I'll put up a pic, once I think of a cute nick-name for him =)
I've noticed that 102 people have visited my blog! I would LOVE for you to post a comment and say hello. I would love to get to know the people that read my little blog, so don't be afraid to say hi!