Apr 25, 2009

Under the Tree ~ April

How long has it been since you lost your child/ren? Has your grief changed at all? Is your life becoming any easier or is it just harder as time passes?

It has been one year, six months, a week and one day. My grief has changed in intensity and frequency. Some things are harder as time passes. People still say ridiculous things. I'm at the point where most people don't think about your child much anymore and think you should be 'over it' as well (Or at least have put your sadness away on a shelf). I cry less, I imagine what might have been more now. L.O. is way more aware now, that she got ripped off in the sibling department.
I have noticed that I am more likely now to speak out against ignorant statements about Zoe's life. I tend to try to put it into perspective for them instead of keeping my mouth shut and rolling words around in my head for days.

How do you feel when you see pregnant women when you are out and about?

At first, I felt almost sick when I saw a pregnant woman. It was fear, it was anger and longing.
I still can't help but notice them, but I mutter a little prayer under my breath that they will be just fine. Now when I see a pregnant lady, I am little jealous. I really want to be in a place where I can have another baby. Hopefully I must only wait a little longer...

Whats your therapy in the aftermath of losing your child/ren? Do you go to counseling? Do you do artwork or some kind of exercise or do you simply just let yourself be? What helps you?

This blog and all of my friends and comments have given me a renewed sense of belonging, and taken away alot of my initial bewilderment.
I force myself to go outside on the really bad days and I just sit by Zoe's rose tree and look at the new growth, soak up a little sun and feel the wind.
When I feel I need 'me' time, I'm not afraid to ask. I've always needed a bit of alone time, but I find that now, I need more of it to not feel frazzled. I have to breathe and center, so to speak. It puts things in perspective.
I try to look ahead and be happy about the blank pages of the future. I don't want to be bound by fear anymore in my life.


2feetonearth1inthestars said...

Thank you for sitting under the tree with us all this month. Blogging seems to be a huge release to a lot of us angel mommys


Penny said...

I can't say that I know what you're going through. I DON'T! But I visit two sites of women that do. I didn't see them listed here, but you can find them through mine. Poppy Joy and Bring the Rain.
God bless

Penny said...

Oh, and the Williams family blog. It's also on mine. Two of these moms, or maybe all three, have recently passed the one year anniversary of their loss. Kayleigh Freeman is not doing well now.
I believe God is going to move through you to touch other lives like he's used these moms. =)

Lea said...


Such a great and honest post. You give me hope that as time marches on this unimaginable journey may get a little more manageable.... I still find it so hard most days.

Thank you, Lindsay... you are a blessing.


Jennifer Ross said...

Thinking of you...I like how you have a little rose tree for your daughter. I thought about making a little flower garden for Isaiah.

Lindsay said...

You should Jennifer, It's raw and dirty and yet is so pretty. (sound familiar?) Put up pics if you decide to do it..love you