I'm feeling better. I still feel shaky, but the horrid anxiety is in the back of my mind, not front and center. Thank God!
Tomorrow I will read all of your recent posts, tonight, I owe my home and my family a little bit of much needed T.L.C.
I doubt you know because I haven't felt like one since right after Zoe died, but I'm an artist. They are approving a piece of downtown property as a tax-free arts district. I've had five shows in as many years, and I can't seem to grasp how I once did it. My mom called today (she'd heard about it) and BEGGED me to get my sh*t together and do a 'comeback' show. That very thought terrifies me. I started an installment on flowers personified, and fantasy filled, and the only finished one, I only own due to my hair-thin ability to say no, which is never easy, but losing your beloved painting is harder than losing money I assure you.
But I'm thinking, if I manage to afford canvases, I'll finish that installment, with Zoe and our whole story (the scary stuff) on my mind, paint my heart out, and sell them, all of them, and try to flush the horror part of her stay here, out of my mind and body and onto that canvas. I'll call it Zoe, and nothing else, offer no other details and let the work speak.
I'll figure it out from there... I always have I'll let go of all the work... I'll let go of the scary part... and only the beauty will be left inside