May 3, 2009

Thank You!

For the comments, and all the support and love I receive from you guys. I had a sad day, and nobody knew but myself. I had a family reunion where Zoe was buried but the weather here (and there) was terrible. I woke up to closed streets and the place we were supposed to go had no lights. I didn't go, but I decided not to go last night, and I've felt guilty about it. I thought the bad weather would help me feel less guilty, but then I just felt guilty for not going to see her since umm.. some time last year. Yeah, I'm a crummy mommy to my dead daughter. An hour seems so far, and that is a ridiculous excuse.
I'll go. This month.
It's time for bed. I miss both my girls. I'll see one tomorrow, I'll see the other in an unspecified amount of time, a painful amount of time. It still makes me so sad. I miss her. I want her back. There are no words to truly describe how this hurts, how bad we need our babies back, yet we still try.
We still try.
Sweet dreams all...

10 comments:

angie said...

you are not a crummy mummy, lindsay...wish i could give you some real cheering up hugs, but for now, (((hugs)))

Lea said...

Oh Lindsay.... you are NOT a crummy mummy. We can all feel your love for Zoe in your words. I believe that Zoe is always, always with you - you don't have to go to where she is burried to be with her, to talk to her, to feel her.

You're right... we still try. We don't have much of a choice.

Strength and hugs to you. xo

Jennifer Ross said...

You do not need to feel bad about not going to your daughters grave. I used to go to Isaiah's grave all of the time right after he passed away. Then, as time went on, I realized that he is with me wherever I go. When I talk about him and write about him, it makes me feel good. I know that our children know how much we love them!

Anonymous said...

She is in Heaven. She is with you all the time, she never leaves you, she is part of your heart and soul.
You should not feel guilty about not going to where she is buried. You will go when you go.
There is a time for you to go, but it must not be right now.
Go when your ready, not out of guilt.

I love you!!!!

Ruth said...

Sending you love and encouragement. Don't be so hard on yourself, this lifelong process of grieving our children is hard enough. Keep your chin up, young person. You are doing so much hard work processing everything, so proud of you.

mel said...

I second the comments already written. Go easy on yourself....let yourself be....just be. Zoe knows you love her :)

Lindsay said...

You guys are amazing...xoxo

Penny said...

I'm glad you enjoyed reading about Shelbi's miracle! It was amazing and still is! It has touched many lives, too. Last night at her basketball awards banquet, her coach made a huge deal about her doing the pledge. he was not at school that day, but another coach texted him about it. He was so excited the next day when she spoke to him for the first time. Her principal went home to tell his wife and couldn't get the words out because he started crying all over again. You know it's something when a teenager has her "tough" high school principal crying off and on all day. I was so touched! I am proud of her, but more than anything so amazed and BLESSED that God did this for her and through her!
On a different note, I know tomorrow will be bittersweet for you, but I hope you find joy in your Mother's Day! especially with L. O. =)

mel said...

Lindsay,

I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day! Your girls are beautiful.

It's been nice getting to "know" you the last few months!

Mel xx

Carly Marie said...

I can only echo everyone else. Beautiful Mummy.... that is what you are.