I'm sorry I haven't been writing. I was visited by a migraine and a sense of intense loneliness this weekend. Last night while taking Ivy trick or treating, surrounded by little pea-pods and super-girls and black cats, I suddenly felt all alone.
I am so lonely. I find myself yearning to have Kenny here to experience this with me. I'm beginning to feel the tiniest of flutters and I know they will turn into kicks and jabs before Kenny comes home.
I wish he wouldn't have missed the ultrasound. I wish he would have gotten to meet the Dr. that (hopefully) will be bringing this baby out of my womb and into this world. Sadly, that can't be my job this go around.
I wish he were here to eat my cooking and bring me a glass of water every now and again. I wish he were here to rub my achy back.
This is going to sound selfish, but I feel abandoned.
When Ivy goes off to school in the mornings, I find myself staring at the walls and staying lost in thought for hours. This is a far cry from my usual crafting, creating, active and imaginative self.
I've always cherished time to myself, but at this point, I'm sick of me. It's just me and my thoughts and my crazy dreams and my warm bed.
I'm not forgetting that Ivy is here with me; I'm only referring to the increasing number of hours I spend with just myself and my dogs.
I feel selfish for wanting more than this.
I am just feeling so utterly and helplessly lonely.
Nov 1, 2009
Posted by Lindsay at 2:29 PM