Lazy (craft) day

Today, the jammies are staying on and the mascara is being skipped. I'm declaring today my 'craft day' and my little handiworks are taking center stage. I have to make two things for the blogosphere and finish my mobile. I've had some good ideas for my hummingbird's wings. I think an irredescent green would make a lovely add-on and help mimic constant movement. I'm still wondering if I can manage tiny wire feet for all six birds.
Ivy is at her dad's until Monday and I'm trying to not feel lonely. Kenny and I are not as close as we have been in the past. I have never had an easy time of being pregnant, even when things are going perfectly. We are simply in different places emotionally and I have become somewhat withdrawn. I don't feel I have the freedom to make emotional outbursts or expressions even. Let's just say that there is some anger, seemingly directed at me, but truly I don't know what it's there for. It hurts and it's alienating and it can come with no warning. I am not good at being yelled at. It hurts and then I put on my tough girl mask and cry behind it.
So, yeah, I'm going to have a quiet day of working with my hands and trying to keep myself good company. There is something so calming about creating and I am blessed to have the abilty to sit around and create. I love watching my imagination turn into something tangible.
I am very excited about finally getting all of my packages in the mail and reading the response to them. I really feel led to try and bless others this holiday season. I hope it gives me the feeling of connection that I so long for right now.
I'm really struggling. I really feel alienated and like everyone is done hearing about the one who was lost. I feel like the people close to me now would like me to accept that this pregnancy is some guarantee, when I know it's a hope, not an absolute. I cannot feel any other way but guarded and shy about it.
Hopefully it will get better, all of it, very soon...