alone then

Yesterday, when I wrote that last post, I was angry, hurt and felt all alone. This morning I feel very similar. Add nausea and anxiety and you got it.
I have felt VERY unsupported, and really, honestly I am. Kenny and I are having issues. That's rather strange as now he's started a new movie and I don't see him much. He seems angry and distant and needs to blame someone. He came home early and showered yesterday and then left, to play pool. I was asleep after he got home. I forced myself to ignore the searing anxiety in my diaphragm and willed myself to sleep. I'm sad that he chooses to lash out on the one carrying his child and taking care of a seven year old, three dogs, cats and a home and him as best that I can.
Yesterday I thought that I had developed a 'fool-proof' way of encouraging him to be supportive. I tried it this morning. He slammed the door on his way out. My stomach has jumped up to join my heart in my chest.
I am looking at another lonely day, not feeling supported yet needed and expected.
I am running out of steam. I am trying to take care of me, but at the moment that feels impossible. I want to disappear.
I failed Zoe, by letting the stress overcome me. This feels like a recurring nightmare. If you know me (even if you don't) and you think perhaps I'm driving him away...you can't drive someone who is already running, away from you.

Before Kenny slammed the door and left, he told me he was packing his things when he gets home. I only asked him to help support me, to make time to talk to me about things. I told him I was lonely and he told me he was leaving.