Sep 22, 2009

Time to stand (so to speak)

If I wait for a cheery happy post, you may not hear from me for a while. I am lonely and very tired. I keep reminding myself to breathe deep, to stop breathing shallow. I remind myself that I'm not alone, but even when I'm not, I am.
I've long understood that you cannot convince anyone of anything if they aren't ready to hear it. I have many things that float around in my brain, that aren't given a voice, because I try to play nice. I have noticed however, that many people want what they want, feel entitled to said want, and single-mindedly go after it without much regard for say, other human beings.
I don't know how to slow down and take care of me. No one else knows how to slow down and take care of me either. I feel selfish asking for that, but I'm finally being honest with myself in saying that I can't do this without support. Every other incident in most of my life has been met with a 'I can take care of myself' attitude. I don't want to do this by myself.
I am the one willing to do it, however. If I have to take care of me, and be my own support system, I will. If only for the hope of this baby inside me. If only for a prayer of a chance that this baby will come home to live. I will eat well and healthy. I will not wear myself ragged. I will not struggle to help anyone else understand my need to take care of me right now.

For the first time in my life, I'm consciously deciding to be unapologetically (I know that's not a word but it should be) good to myself. I hope people that I know accept that. I don't see anyone else in line to do it. I won't complain (much) and I am going to stand up and count my blessings and love my body and protect my feelings and my sanity from myself and everyone else.


Lea said...

Well said, Lindsay. We must protect ourselves. Look out for #1. And you are most definitely NOT alone... especially now. You have a beautiful new life that is with you always. Take care of that bubba! We are here to support you in any way we can.

Jennifer Ross said...

Sometimes, that is the best thing to do for yourself. We need to take care of ourselves, so we are able to take care of others.

Much Love,

Tina said...

Good for you Lindsay. We will be "with" you every step of the way! xx

margaret said...

Fabulous Lindsay! Good to hear that you are putting yourself and this baby first for a change. You deserve it and so does baby. Eat what you want, rest when you need to even if it's an hour after you've gotten out of bed. Listen to your body and be kind to it. I'm pulling for you all the way honey, hugging you tight!

Catherine W said...

That sounds like a good idea to me Lindsay. You need to look after yourself. Even though I might live too far away to be of any practical support, I am over here in England cheering you and your little one on. xo

stockingup99 said...

Hi Lindsay,

Here's a link to a blog I've been using to get ideas on how to embrace pregnancy and use postive affirmations to visualize a beautiful birth:

Sending prayers for a happy pregnancy and birth.

Mary said...

Always put yourself first. That is how I think too. Then hopefully people will notice and also help.