It's possible that I've been having such a hard time lately, because Zoe's would be second birthday is Tuesday. She lived for nineteen days. From September 29 to October 17 I am suspended in time. My birthday is squashed right in there as well. I turned 26 when Zoe was still here, on October 12. They let me hold her for my birthday. She died five days later. My birthday will never feel the same. Honestly, I'm only looking forward to the possibility of cake.
There are no plans for Zoe's birthday. My dad usually drives my mom and Ivy and I to the cemetery. It's a family cemetery and it's further south and I don't know exactly how to find it myself. I hope she doesn't think we forgot her or that I don't care. I will go some time between her birthday and her death day I'm sure. Most of my family will not remember or acknowledge her. I'm a pretty crummy guardian of my daughter's legacy myself. I know that it sounds incredibly morbid, but I try not to let the image of another little heart shaped headstone with another of my baby's names next to hers. It's difficult.
I feel like I have taken three giant steps back.
Sep 25, 2009
It's coming...
Posted by Lindsay at 6:14 AM
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4 comments:
Thinking of you with love!
Its my baby Thomas' birthday on the 17th Oct. He would be 2 as well. It seems like along time ago when you say 2 years.
You know the way forward, you will get on the move when you are ready.
I don't know any words to make you feel better. Just know that many people are praying for you, the baby, and Kenny. Zoe is in Jesus' arms and does NOT think you have forgotten her. =)
You are in my prayers. I can't express enough how I wish your story were a much happier one.
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