Sep 27, 2009

Trying Something New

It's time to change the channel. I don't like the way my blog 'feels' anymore. This is the last time I will be with child, and I've come to see that this, in and of itself is worth celebrating, regardless of the outcome. (yes, I'm very liberal with my commas)
So, I've decided to show you (and myself) a different side of me. I'm choosing the 'fake it till you make it approach', plus, my life is far from all bad, and I'll be forced to feel better if I quit focusing on it so.
I will be nine weeks on Wednesday. I have my first appointment with my new ob on Oct 1. Not looking forward to the internal exam, I mean, I don't know this guy!? I've been craving tuna salad on crackers covered in paprika. It tastes horrible if it makes it's way back up and out, but that doesn't deter me for long. I've been hoarding away food because if I don't eat things I truly like, I won't eat at all. I feel bad hiding yummy food around but I tell myself it's for the baby. I've also wanted meat and potatoes all the time, like for breakfast. In fact, I'm cooking a steak on the stove now, just for me, cause Ivy's (LO) at the circus and Kenny is helping his parents with some yard work. I will smother it in A1 and no one is around to tell me how I'm ruining it with the sauce. Yumm...
I've been compiling a list of things (mostly in my head till now) that make me smile. I try to focus on these things when I'm feeling anxious or vulnerable. Every Wednesday, I'm going to update the list with more recent blessings to keep myself positive. I believe that ten is a good number. Per week that is..

What makes me smile this week:
1)My smart and incredibly beautiful eldest daughter.
2) The fact that I'm starting to finally listen to what the death of my youngest precious baby has to teach me.
3) The decision to make an effort to be joyful and make good memories for this pregnancy.
4)Loving a man that loves me too and who is trying now to support me the way that I need to be supported.
5)The hummingbirds that come to my feeder on the porch.
6) Those quiet moments in the morning when Kenny is at work and Ivy is at school when the day is not demanding anything from me quite yet.
7)Making tiny trinkets and characters
8) Brownie Sundae's
9) My favorite blog-friends who are found in my thoughts everyday and I know I am in their thoughts as well.
10) My steak coming out looking great and tasting amazing.

This is THE first steak I've ever tried cooking. I cooked and ate most of it while writing this post! I'm sure I'll be cooking steak a little more often now.

What's keeping a smile on your face these days? I promise it will feel good to type a few of them out :)


angie said...

I love your list.
Hummingbirds make me smile too. Wish we had some around the house. My daughter screaming two seconds ago, "My sushi set!" And rediscovering a toy she has been playing with since she was one. My husband. Painting. And my newly discovered obsession is pink grapefruit sorbet. YUM!

Thinking of you as always. Every night in fact while I am reading these Sookie Stackhouse books I think, I wonder if that is what it is like where Linds lives.

margaret said...

Things that make me smile right now are the cooler nights, pretty fall leaves, my blog buddies, my daughters and their very unique personalities and Shane. We've been working hard to get back into a normal routine after taking a year off our lives to grieve. The fact that he just went to the store to buy me feminine hygiene products makes me smile because it shows me how much he's willing to do things for me, even if it makes him uncomfortable.

Jennifer Ross said...

I love your new positive outlook!! Keep it up Linds!

Penny said...

Glad to see you're psyching yourself up to be positive and enjoy this pregnancy. Glad you found a new OB. Take care. =)

-clevergirl said...

WOW, we are only two weeks apart, that is awesome. =)

Things that make me smile are:

My sweet daughters beautiful face, snuggeling with my husband, thinking back to our wedding day, and having hope that maybe this time our baby will live.

Lindsay said...

I am loving this response. I can't wait to see more of what makes others smile..

Catherine W said...

I love this post and I love your list. Keep hiding the yummy food then I won't feel so bad that I'm doing the exact same thing ;)

All of these things are making me happy - My daughters. My husband. My lil sister. My parents. Books. Strictly Come Dancing on TV (or Dancing with the Stars as it is known outside the UK?) and I am obsessed with it. Food, I have a secret stash of fondant fancies under the bread at the moment! I will soon be earning money again. The last few flowers of summer and the prospect of a cozy winter.

You were right. It did feel good! xo

Petra said...

Dear Lindsay,
hmmm.. things that made me smile this week:

- The sunflowers at my window
- Doing mosaics
- cooking a spicey coconut-curry from scratch
- looking forward to one of the Lala-fishes
- finally being able to get Oreo cookies in Germany

and last but not least
- reading this blog entry has made me smile this week!

Not much these days, but a lot more than it used to be. Thanx for that entry... Hope all is

Mary said...

Things that make me smile now is your new positive thoughts.

I am also smiling at the thought of wearing my warm boots this fall season.

I smile when my nephew is around.