Guilt

Kenny says that I'm a glass-half-empty girl. That makes me sad. I just understand now, more than ever that we are not promised that things will be just fine.
Today is the day, two years ago, where I feel that I could have stopped what happened. I let myself get upset and anxious. I was told that I looked pale and out of it, and took that as a manipulation, not a warning. The next morning, I was roused from my sleep from a dull yet increasing pain. Did I go to the emergency room right then, a measure that had the ability to save my daughter's mind and in turn her body? No, I didn't. When I went it was too late, almost for us both. She didn't die then, but that's when she stopped becoming a person to that doctor.
She was always a person to me.

I haven't abandoned trying to have a positive attitude. I'm only sad that it's almost my daughter's second birthday and her birth wasn't met with much joy. There will be no party and cake for her tomorrow, only me and this empty house.